It's Raining in My Bathroom

My Blog Has A New Name!

2011-11-02T06:00:00.000-07:00

After not blogging for a really long time, I decided that my attempt to be more disciplined and write more frequently would be bettered by a new name.

I've lived in apartments since my junior year in college, which I started in 2005. Since then, I've lived in three different apartments, and have experienced an unfortunate event in each of them. One morning, I've awoken to discover that it was raining in my bathroom. In some instances (as it has happened multiple times in each apartment) it had been raining through the night and I was left with the ensuing flood. In other's I woke up to the deluge still coming from the ceiling. Most recently, I noticed a small drip before I went to bed, and woke up for the next three mornings to enough water for my miniature dachshund to swim in - if she liked to be in water that is.

While in the moment I'm not amused, and the clean up and sometimes long term ramifications of this recurring event are not fun to deal with, I do find this pattern to be quite humorous. I mean, really now, chances are you will probably experience some kind of leak in your dwelling place at some point in life; life happens. At least six times in under seven years however, is a bit ridiculous.

I view it as a metaphor for life. Sometimes you're cruising along, then something happens and you're covered in toilet water from your neighbor's upstairs. Through no fault of your own, sogginess happens. Sometimes if feels as though you're the only one who keeps getting soggy, especially because of the actions of others; though if we were honest with ourselves, we'd admit we create our fair share of sogginess for ourselves. Some sogginess we can clean up on our own. Some we need help from friends to move the soggy stuff out, and professionals to come clean up what's left behind. This is where your community steps in to help you, and if you know Him, Christ comes in and does the heavy lifting for you.

So next time you get soggy, remember two things and take heart. 1) Eventually, everything dries. 2) Though it may feel like it, you're not the only one getting soggy, and you don't have to do clean up on your own.

Jacked Up Love

2009-08-03T11:42:00.000-07:00

These thoughts have been rolling around my head and my heart for a few months now. I’m not sure I’ve completely formulated them all, so bear with me as I try to articulate them.

We as a culture have done a total hatchet job on love. There are several reasons for this, almost all of which can be summed up by saying that we live in a fallen world. I don’t want to just chalk it up to that though, because there is nothing we can do to fix that. We will live in a fallen world until Christ returns. While shalom in every aspect of life won’t be restored until then, I believe there are some things we can do to reclaim as much as we can of what love for one another was intended to be like. We can do that by looking at some of the causes and resulting symptoms of our general lack of understanding love.

One way we’ve jacked up love is by removing it from community. Love was intended to be experienced in community. Jesus said in John 13:34-35 “I give you a new commandment: love one another. Just as I have loved you, you must also love one another. By this all people will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.” (HCSB) The “they” referred to cannot see and know that love outside of the context of a community. By making it a strictly me-and-you kind of thing, we lose valuable perspective and support that being in community can add to the richness of love.

This lack of community is probably one of the reasons love has become a very selfish and self-centered thing. Love experienced without community is all about me and what I can get out of it. This selfish aspect of love can also lead to the one who is loved becoming the center of the lover’s universe. Selfish love has to exist in a very narrow mindset, and a very small world; being removed from community creates the perfect environment for selfish love to develop and thrive in. Love should affect not just lover and the loved, but those around them as well. It is such a powerful force that it should bleed into, onto and over everything. It cannot do this outside of community.

Another way we’ve messed up love is by attaching such a heavy sexual connotation to it. It seems as though we can’t have an all encompassing, soul level, love in the truest sense of the word with anyone except a romantic connection without it being creepy or supposedly having some secret sexual desire attached to it. Part of it is that the English language has one word to describe a vast array of feelings. The Greeks have four words for love. According to Wikipedia,

Eros is passionate love, with sensual desire and longing. The Modern Greek word "erotas" means "(romantic) love". However, eros does not have to be sexual in nature. Eros can be interpreted as a love for someone whom you love more than the philia love of friendship.
Philia…means friendship in modern Greek, a dispassionate virtuous love, [which] was a concept developed by Aristotle.
Agapē means "love" in modern day Greek, such as in the term s'agapo, which means "I love you". In Ancient Greek it often refers to a general affection rather than the attraction suggested by "eros"
Storge means "affection" in modern Greek; it is natural affection, like that felt by parents for offspring.

Having distinctions like this in English might help clear up this love/sex connotation a bit. But even then, love would still be perverted. I don’t know if it’s because America has a Puritan heritage that was so strict about signs of affection, that we’re now suffering from some sort of strange backlash, or if it’s because the church has abdicated its role in defining and acting out what love should look like so society/human nature just took its course, or if there is some other reason I haven’t thought of. I just know that there seems to be this line and anything past it between anyone except a romantic couple is immediately tagged as creepy with a strong sexual undertone. Anything involving a physical characteristic of someone is immediately marked as sensual, whether it is or not. Any kind of love that goes beyond the surface – that really digs in its heels and gets to work – is tagged as suspicious. As a result, this is one of the reasons so few of us know how to not only lovely deeply and completely, but to be deeply and completely loved.

This is so pervasive that we think like this without even realizing it. It’s a natural, knee-jerk reaction. But the nature it is rooted in is the old nature; it’s part of the old man that needs to daily be put to death. Check yourself – do you unconsciously view things this way? Does fear of being perceived this way prevent you from loving fully?

Expressing the agapē kind of love is often very difficult. I think agapē is meant to be all encompassing – not just what a person does for us, or what we do for them, but everything about them: their essence; their physical characteristics; how they look; how they smell; how good it feels to have some sort of physical connection with them like a hug; their likes and dislikes; their strengths and weaknesses; their thoughts and feelings; their quirks and flaws; their unique interactions with you and their general interactions with everyone; and on and on. We’ve become so uncomfortable with expressing this kind of love, largely because of the assumed sensual, erotic, eros kind of love attached, that the vast majority of us wouldn’t know how to receive it if by chance it was given. We seem to be ok with the philia and eros kinds of love, but have completely failed when it comes to the agapē kind of love we’re supposed to have.

I believe the agapē we’re missing out on encompasses so many things. Things like…
…buying your friend a mother’s day gift because you know no one else in her life will
…opening your home to friends who have no where else to go
…writing a letter to a friend to let them know how much they mean to you – even though you can’t find the right words, and the ghosts from your past taunt you that doing so will ruin everything
…holding a friend who had a tough day because there is healing power in simple human connection
…staying up way too late and driving for an hour to surprise a friend by being there for a huge event in his/her life
…sitting up into the wee hours of the morning holding a friend while he/she cries about the sorrows of life
…taking everyone out for ice cream at Denny’s at midnight because someone accepted Christ as Lord and Savior
…keeping an eye out for little things you can pick up along the way that will brighten someone’s day
…bringing a friend caffeine and chocolate and locking them in a room until they talk about what’s eating them up inside
…knowing when to make someone open up and when to just silently be with them
…putting yourself in harm’s way to help a friend get out of a dangerous situation
…checking on the family of a dead friend and remembering special days with them – because their pain is more important than yours
…telling someone a hard truth, especially if he/she doesn’t want to listen
…persevering in prayer for over thirty years for the salvation of a loved one
…walking through the junk of life with someone, not giving up, and not letting them give up until they reach a clearing in the road
…driving fourteen hours round trip to be with someone dropping a spouse off at rehab

It isn’t just things you do for the other person though. Truly living an agapē kind of love means allowing yourself to be loved that way as well. My youth minister once told me that I needed to learn to let myself be loved. I don’t know that any other statement has continually pierced me like that one has. It’s something I struggle with every day. It involves things like…
…graciously being on the receiving end of the above list
…admitting that going to see a friend in jail scares the snot out of you and asking your friends to lift you up in prayer
…being honest with people you’re in relationship with that you sometimes still deal with ghosts from your past, and asking them to help you banish them
…letting someone get close enough to help you banish your ghosts
…confessing you’ve been trapped in a perpetual sin for years and can’t get out on your own
…letting someone get close enough to see your mess and help you out of it
…giving someone permission to call you on your crap
…apologizing for doing something wrong, then living in the grace and forgiveness given – without beating yourself up for it again and again (something I struggle with daily)
…trusting that someone else has your back in all aspects of life…and actually letting them have it
…calling for help when you’re in over your head

I could go on forever, but I think we’ve covered enough ground. I believe that I’ve just scratched the tip of the proverbial iceberg. The ramifications of this affect every area of life. This is a huge issue that no one wants to touch, but desperately needs addressed. What can we do to address these causes and their symptoms? A few things. First, we can increase the value of community in our lives by bringing relationships back into community and letting love bleed over, onto, and into everything we do and are. Second, we can break down misconceptions and cut up the hidden connotations of love by a) not participating in them and perpetuating them ourselves, and b) loving boldly and without fear regardless of what others think. Lastly, we can be vulnerable enough to allow others to boldly love us without fear, regardless of what others think.

These thoughts ran around my head for a long time, now I’d like them to run around yours. What’re your thoughts? How does this play out in your life and community? What are other causes and solutions?

A Lizard in a Sticky Situation

2008-11-19T13:12:00.000-08:00

A couple of months ago a little lizard snuck into my apartment. I watched him come in and tried to catch him, but he was a sneaky little thing and escaped. I decided the best way to handle it was to not mention it and forget about it. It's Southeast Texas after all, and there is always going to be some creepy-crawly thing in one's place of dwelling.

A few evenings later, my sister spotted my little friend. She shrieked for me to come, but again, he was too fast. My sister is not quite as understating about creepy-crawly things in the house, so she freaked out. She went so far as to put a towel at her bedroom door so the lizard couldn't get in - and she still didn't sleep.

The next day, I went to take a bath, and I once again spotted the lizard. He had made his way all the way across the apartment to my bathroom and was hiding in the circular metal plate that a drain switch is often found on. I don't have a drain switch, just the plate, so there was room for him to hide. I considered grabbing him, but since only his tail and the smallest sliver of his hindquarters was sticking out, I figured that all I would accomplish was pulling his tail off (thinking he was a removable tail kind of lizard), and then instead of just having a lizard in the apartment, I'd have a tail-less lizard trapped in the drain plate.

My sister decided she had had enough, and she was going to catch the lizard. When she got home, she took a huge roll of duct tape and created this elaborate trap out of my bathtub. She folded the tape so that it would stick to the tub sticky side out, and created a flower of duct tape around the drain so that when the lizard tired of his little home and tried to leave, he'd get stuck. In case that didn't stop him, she also lined the entire rim of the bathtub with duct tape.

When I got up to use the bathroom about 9:00 that evening, I was greeted once again by my little lizard friend. My sister's plan worked and he was stuck to one piece of duct tape, and his tail was stuck to the piece next to it (I was right about him being one of those lizards with removable tails). I went to the other bedroom and informed my mom and sister. My sister fell apart. She hadn't thought through her plan far enough to realize that it would cause the lizard pain and suffering, and possibly death. Now, my sister can get a bit...hysterical and hard to handle in these situations, so my mom and I determined we were going to do our best to save the lizard from his sticky situation. Not out of any altruistic motivation mind you - its simply best to do anything to calm my sister down in these situations.

We took the piece of duct tape the lizard was stuck on and brought it to the kitchen. This was some phenomenal duct tape by the way - super sticky. My mom then performed lizard removal surgery using a bowl of water, a plastic knife, and a toothpick, while I assisted (and laughed and took pictures with my cell phone). In fact, I think pictures will best demonstrate what happened next. The first one is of the lizard still in the tub - in case you don't believe me - and the rest are of his extraction.

As you can see, a toothpick is the best method of removing a small lizard from a piece of duct tape, in case you ever need to know. Dunking it in water to dull the stickiness helps too. After about half an hour - when he was finally free (he lost another tail in the process - they grow back quickly!), I let him go outside and took a video of him scurrying away to soothe my sister's fears that she had tortured and then killed him.

Ironically, the next morning we evacuated in anticipation of Hurricane Ike and who knows what happened to our lizard friend two days later when Ike tore through our apartment complex.

Why am I sharing this crazy story? Believe it or not, I saw God and believers in the situation. I thought about how oftentimes we are like the lizard. Instead of letting the Holy Spirit lead us and guide us, we follow our own path - our natural carnal instincts and we get into places where we don't belong. Instead of getting out when we realize we're in a bad place, we dig in, and go deeper and deeper until we are backed into a small dark hole. We hit rock bottom and there is no way we can get our self out. Even then, our pride can prevent us from calling out to the only One who can save us. So we try to make our own way out, and instead end up getting stuck.

The only way that lizard was going to be free again, was if we intervened and helped him. Now I realize the lizard had no way of asking us for help, and my mom and I are in no way God - but stick with me (no pun intended). The only way we get out of these situations, is when we lay down our pride, admit our sin, and ask God for help. Thankfully, He is faithful to help us. Its not often an easy process though. God has to do figurative surgery to remove us from our sin and entanglements. And just as the lizard kept getting re-stuck every time he wriggled to get himself free, we only impede the process of being freed and restored when we try to take control of it. It's only when we are completely submissive to the poking and prodding of God - however painful it may be - that we are set free.

Next time you're in a potentially compromising situation, remember my little lizard. Remember that in 1 Corinthians 10:13, God promises a way out of temptation. You should look for and take those outs. However, if you don't, when you find yourself stuck in a hole with no way out, stop, ask God to pull you out, and then humbly allow Him to do what is needed to pull you out. Remember that the pain the process involves is ultimately for your good - and for your freedom and restoration to a right relationship with God.

Kind Words

2008-08-04T09:52:00.000-07:00

"Watch out, brothers, so that there won't be in any of you an evil, unbelieving heart that departs from the living God. But encourage each other daily, while it is still called today , so that none of you is hardened by sin's deception. For we have become companions of the Messiah if we hold firmly until the end the reality that we had at the start." Hebrews 3:12-14 (HCSB)

I was at a family function awhile back and something happened that made me realize how important these verses are, especially the middle verse. See, there has been some drama in this particular branch of the family for quite awhile now. The event we were all attending kind of brought everything to a head, and while there was no major blowout, things were always right at the boiling point and very tense and awkward. I like to observe things and after observing both main parties involved I had two thoughts. One was that I wanted to deck one of the parties (I know - anger issues). The other was how impressed I was with how the other party was handling things. They were the perfect picture and total embodiment of Romans 12:17-19 which says,

"Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Try to do what is honorable in everyone's eyes. If possible, on your part, live at peace with everyone. Friends, do not avenge yourselves; instead, leave room for His wrath. For it is written: Vengeance belongs to Me; I will repay, says the Lord." (HCSB)

I don't know that I've ever seen a better representation of these verses than I saw that weekend. I was so impressed that I felt led to affirm and encourage this couple who was handling things so well. I wrote them a note telling them how impressed and encouraged I was by their example and encouraging them to continue on in the way they were going.

The response I got to this little letter blew me away. They told me thank you and that no one had ever encouraged them or affirmed them for an aspect of their faith. In their entire life. Late thirties, been a Christian pretty much their whole life, and NO ONE had ever encouraged or affirmed them in thier faith! Not only had they never been encouraged, but they had been looked down on and condemned for thier lack of faith - if anything was said at all it was negative. This totally boggled my mind. How is one surrounded by brothers and sisters in the faith all the time for almost forty years and never encouraged or told to hang in there, what you're doing is worth it?

The whole thing made me wonder how many other fellow brothers and sisters in Christ were out there having never been encouraged in their faith. How many others do I come in contact with on a regular basis who feel like utter failures and/or totally alone in this race we're running simply because I never bothered to pass on a kind word. How many others do you come in contact with who are in the same boat?

My encouragement to you is to think about the people in your life who may need a word of encouragement or affirmation. Ask God to bring to your mind people who need a kind word and what they need affirmed in. Then give them a call, send them an email, or write them a note and toss it in the mail. Today. Now. You'll likely never know the difference you made in thier life by being obedient to the prompting of the Holy Spirit. Also, never withold a chance to pass on a word of encouragment. Look for things you can encourage your brothers and sisters in and do it. Make it a practice to "encourage each other daily, while it is still called today , so that none of you is hardened by sin's deception. For we have become companions of the Messiah if we hold firmly until the end the reality that we had at the start."

Gifts From Above

2008-05-16T06:48:00.000-07:00

"Keep asking, and it will be given to you. Keep searching, and you will find. Keep knocking, and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and the one who searches finds, and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened. What man among you, if his son asks him for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good things to those who ask Him! Therefore, whatever you want others to do for you, do also the same for them—this is the Law and the Prophets." Matthew 7:7-12

How often do we actually live as if these verses are true? I confess that I rarely do. I honestly doubt that I have consciously lived as if this were true more than 5% of my life. I think this is one of the promises the Enemy works hardest to get us to forget. And why wouldn't he? Take a minute to actually think of the power and promise contained in these verses. I've lived in the darkness for so long that the light of these verses is blinding and I can't even begin to wrap my mind around it. I wonder if these verses are of the nature that one has to live out and put into practice before they begin to really take root in one's soul.

How often do we see God's gifts of bread and fish as stones and snakes? Last fall I was in the middle of wrapping up college and transitioning the ministry I served with into different leadership. It was a crazy time in life and some things happened that both deeply wounded me and caused me to be burned out. I remember saying that I needed a break from formal ministry for at least a year; that I needed time to heal and mend before getting back out on the front lines again.

Fast forward to last week when I had been whining and complaining and seriously put out for the last four months because I was "stuck" in a job I hated and had no avenue in which to do formal ministry. I wasn't able to do what I loved, what I was created to do, and I was bitter about it. I was letting my circumstances totally overwhelm me and my spirit was crushed - dying and calling out for help. I had totally forgotten about the cry of my soul from last semester and the desperate need I had to take a break and heal and mend. There I was complaining and crying out to God, "Why have You done this thing to me? Why am I in this place?"

And then, in one of the most ordinary, every day moments, my eyes were opened to the truth. I saw that this thing that was happening to me, was actually a gift that was given to me. I had mistaken the bread and fish for rocks and snakes. I needed a break. I needed some time away from the front lines. I got it. Here I am in a place where I am able to minister, yet not doing ministry. I have a place to live, I can pay my bills, and have the pleasure of working with a dear friend for awhile. I'm in a place where the healing and mending that can only occur by slowing down can take place. I'm learning to more consistently view others as having redemptive value. I'm in the nitty-gritty of human life and being pushed to grow without being shoved. I'm learning to slow down. I'm learning more about who I was created to be. I'm learning to figure out - then live within - the boundaries that must guide me while living in the temporary quarters of my earthly body. I'm slowly learning a lesson long ago recommended to me - to let myself be loved. And I'm getting back to a place where I remember the delight of ministry instead of just the drama.

This season of my life is a gift right out of the above passage. Though my circumstances haven't changed, I will now try to do as Psalm 37:4 says, and "Take delight in the LORD" knowing that "He will give [me my] heart's desires;" and I'll remember that He often knows my heart's desires better than I do. I'll try to never forget that my wonderful Father would never give me stones and snakes instead of bread and fish. I encourage you to do the same.

Relationships and War

2007-02-19T15:45:00.000-08:00

Have you ever noticed that oftentimes the realm of relationships resembles a war zone? Think about it. There are several similarities. One is that every person you meet is on one side or the other - they are for Jesus or they are against Him. These two sides have a variety of ways in which they are expressed...different aspects, a different look, etc. Just as the Marine Corps, Army, Navy, and Air Force have different specific tasks to perform when they are in the midst of battle, they are all working for the same purpose - to protect the United States and its citizens both at home and abroad, and to bring about a resolution that benefits the US.

Another similarity is that there are casualties every day in both relationships and a war zone. Some are minor irritations, and some are life-threatening wounds. But they are casualties none-the-less. Most are inflicted by the enemy. There are people in life who are like regular soldiers - they are just marching through life trying to do the best they can just like everyone else. In the heat of battle they shoot off as many rounds as they can, hitting some and missing others. Their main concern is to simply survive, and sometimes others get hurt in the process. Then there are those who are like the artillery men - they don't get to shoot as often, but when they do, it makes a huge impact. These are the people who generally aren't nasty to others, but when they are, they leave a giant gaping wound. Then there are people who are like snipers - they know exactly who they want to hit, they know how to best take them down, and they do their job regardless of the cost. It seems that the general goal of these people is to inflict the most harm possible on others. They consistently come in for the kill - they destroy another's spirit without a second thought.

Then there are those wounds caused by friendly fire. These hurt the most - not necessarily because of the severity of the wound, but because of where it came from. When you are in the heat of battle, you anticipate the possibility of being wounded by the enemy, but the thought that it is one of your brothers who will take you out never crosses your mind. It happens though. Most of the time unintentionally, though there are bad apples in every bunch. This is where the analogy breaks down a little bit - friendly fire happens much more frequently in relationships than it does in an actual war zone - too frequently, especially among Christians. One would think that it was a command to "wound one another" instead of "love one another" the way we treat one another most of the time. Friendly fire hurts the most because it is those who know us the best that have the potential to hurt us the worst.

Another similarity is that there is a camaraderie forged in the midst of battle that is unbreakable. There is something that fighting for the same cause in the midst of imminent danger that knits people together. I'm not sure why that is, but its true. And when this bond is created, it is virtually unbreakable. Regardless of everything else that is going on around us, we know that we can count on those people to fight with us, and most importantly for us every time.

What's the point? I think that sometimes we as Christians lose sight of the fact that every day we are at war; every day we are fighting against the principalities and power of this world. We have an enemy who is daily seeking to destroy and devour us (1 Peter 5:8). We already have the victory - we just don't always live like that.

My challenge is threefold: 1) Remember every day that we are at war and be alert! 2) Realize that everyone of us at one time or another can be classified as walking wounded. 3) We have a choice every day to cause wounds or heal them. It really is that simple, though not always that easy to live. Let the Holy Spirit guide your words and actions and realize you have the power to heal, or the power to harm. Please...on behalf of everyone you will encounter on any given day...choose healing.
“Be on the alert, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong. Let all that you do be done in love.” 1 Corinthians 16:13-14

What Will You Choose Today?

2007-02-18T23:17:00.000-08:00

“From that moment many of His disciples turned back and no longer accompanied Him. Therefore Jesus said to the Twelve, ‘You don't want to go away too, do you?’ Simon Peter answered, ‘Lord, who will we go to? You have the words of eternal life. We have come to believe and know that You are the Holy One of God!’” John 6:66-69

I love this passage of Scripture. I love the pure, heart-on-the-sleeve vulnerability between Jesus and His disciples. In my opinion, this is one of the most intimate moments recorded in Scripture.

Let me set it up for you. Jesus is in the beginning stages of His public ministry. He has large crowds following Him wherever He goes, including the twelve He has specifically called. The first part of John 6 records the feeding of the 5,000 and how everyone was amazed by that.

John 6:14-15 says, “When the people saw the sign He had done, [the feeding of the 5,000] they said, ‘This really is the Prophet who was to come into the world!’ Therefore, when Jesus knew that they were about to come and take Him by force to make Him king, He withdrew again to the mountain by Himself.”

These people were loving Jesus and convinced that He was the One sent from God. Night came and the Twelve set out across the lake without Jesus. Late into the night, they saw Him coming to them walking on the water. The disciples were even further amazed at this man they had been following.

The Message Paraphrase version of John 6:22-26 says this, “The next day the crowd that was left behind realized that there had been only one boat, and that Jesus had not gotten into it with his disciples. They had seen them go off without him. By now boats from Tiberias had pulled up near where they had eaten the bread blessed by the Master. So when the crowd realized he was gone and wasn't coming back, they piled into the Tiberias boats and headed for Capernaum, looking for Jesus. When they found him back across the sea, they said, ‘Rabbi, when did you get here?’ Jesus answered, ‘You've come looking for me not because you saw God in my actions but because I fed you, filled your stomachs—and for free.’”

Ouch! Jesus saw them for what they really were - they were hungry for the miracles that he had done, but they were not hungry for Jesus, and Jesus called them on it. In the next several verses, He then precedes to tell them what they should be hungry for - the Bread of Life, which is of course, Jesus. He also tells them that no one can come to Him unless the Father in heaven draws him. They have a really hard time with the things Jesus is telling them and finally at the end of his discourse, John 6:60-66 tells us the crowds respond in this way:

“Therefore, when many of His disciples heard this, they said, ‘This teaching is hard! Who can accept it?’ Jesus, knowing in Himself that His disciples were complaining about this, asked them, ‘Does this offend you? Then what if you were to observe the Son of Man ascending to where He was before? The Spirit is the One who gives life. The flesh doesn't help at all. The words that I have spoken to you are spirit and are life. But there are some among you who don't believe.’ (For Jesus knew from the beginning those who would not believe and the one who would betray Him.) He said, ‘This is why I told you that no one can come to Me unless it is granted to him by the Father.’ From that moment many of His disciples turned back and no longer accompanied Him."

Which brings us back to where we started - hopefully with a bit more understanding of the dynamics of what is happening. These twelve men had been surrounded by crowds for who knows how long. They had seen Jesus feed thousands of people with nothing but a few fish and loaves of bread. They had seen the enthusiasm of the people. They had witnessed Jesus walk on water. And then they watched and listened as Jesus laid down the gauntlet and separated the wheat from the chaff so to speak.

And now after all this, it is suddenly silent for the first time in a long time. No crowds. No noise. Just them and Jesus. And it is in this very vulnerable quiet that Jesus asks the Twelve if they want to leave as well. It is in this very moment - pregnant with silence - that Peter says, "Lord, who will we go to? You have the words of eternal life. We have come to believe and know that You are the Holy One of God!"

What is your answer when the crowds have left, and it’s just you and Jesus in the quiet? In those still moments before God when you're as vulnerable as you can ever be, what is your response? Will it be the words of the crowd who said "this teaching is too hard - who can accept it?" Or the quiet words of Peter who says, "Lord, who will we go to? You have the words of eternal life. We have come to believe and know that You are the Holy One of God!"

When it’s just you and Jesus, and He's revealed a truth to you, whether it be about Himself, or about a sin in your life that needs dealt with, or that He chooses to simply reveal Himself to you, you have a choice to make. You can respond like the crowd and walk away. Or you can respond like Peter did, embrace what has been revealed to you, and commit to follow Jesus on the path that He takes you. The choice is up to you. What will you choose today?

“From that moment many of His disciples turned back and no longer accompanied Him. Therefore Jesus said to the Twelve, ‘You don't want to go away too, do you?’ Simon Peter answered, ‘Lord, who will we go to? You have the words of eternal life. We have come to believe and know that You are the Holy One of God!’” John 6:66-69

For Such A Time As This

2007-01-16T23:06:00.000-08:00

"And who knows whether you have not attained royalty for such a time as this?" Esther 4:14

Maybe we could change that to say, "And who knows whether you have not been struck ill for such a time as this?"

I have been stuck in my mom's apartment for almost a month now, sick with one thing or another, or a combination of things. I have been out of the apartment for a grand total of probably about two days since the moment I landed. I won't be home for another two weeks at least, and I've been poked and prodded by more people than I'd like to think of. People in these kinds of situations often ask "Why?" Why me? Why now? Why here?

I've done this whole "I'm sick with something mysterious and am missing school for weeks on end while I hang out with the dog all day" thing many times before. I'm used to it. I generally don't play the why game.

But I have to admit - this time has been much harder than all of the previous times. A lot of things have changed since high school in my life and the life of my family that makes this one a bit different than all the others. It's been hard to keep a positive attitude; its been hard to see the point of doing basic things like my quiet time, showering, or going to bed and waking up at decent and regular hours. Don't think that I'm totally depressed and despondent, because I'm not; its just been a struggle though to keep my eyes on the Cross and not get trapped in the mire of self-pity.

Last night however, or actually early this morning, something happened that readjusted my focus and made me remember that it doesn't matter why me, and it doesn't matter why now - all that matters is that we trust that God has everything under control and that his plans are more important than our plans or preferences.

A friend of mine named Jason enlisted in the Marine Corps not too long ago. He just got out of boot camp and was on leave here in Beaumont for ten days. Originally, I was supposed to be back in Phoenix by the time he got here, and I wasn't going to get to see him. Then all of this sickness happened, so I was here. Even though he's been here for ten days, I've been so sick that I haven't been able to see him. Last night was his last night of leave as this morning he flew back to Camp Pendleton for infantry school. We had all gone to bed and were almost asleep when I heard my sister's phone go off about 11:45. It was Jason. They talked for a little bit and then decided to go get Taco Bell. She came into the bedroom to get dressed, and I asked her to bring him home so I could see him.

They got back about 12:15 and the three of us sat in the living room while they ate Taco Bell and just hung out. I was able to talk to Jason and get a feel for how he's doing. I was able to talk to him about what the next few steps are in his career and how he feels about them. He'll be in infantry training for two months, and then there is a 99% chance he'll be immediately shipped off to Iraq without even a little bit of leave - infantry is in quite large demand right now! He was worried about making it through infantry school and making everyone proud. He was also worried about going to Iraq and being shot at or blown up - he's already started having nightmares about it. I was able to just listen to him and then pray for him and over him. He left about 1:00 and we went to bed.

So what's the point Nicole? The point is that because I've been so sick and stuck here, I was able to see a good friend before he goes to war. I was able to encourage a brother in Christ who has always struggled with his faith, but who is really trying to get things straightened out right now. I was able to love on him and let him know that I would be covering him in prayer from the moment he left until the moment I knew he was safely back on US soil from fighting for others freedom. He came in discouraged and scared, and he told me after I prayed for him that he wasn't scared anymore - than he knew everything was going to be OK. He was the embodiment of this quote - "Hope...it's not the certainty that everything will turn out well, but the absolute conviction that something is worth doing regardless of how it turns out." - Vaclav Havel

This had nothing to do with me, but everything to do with divine appointment and God being amazing. We almost went to bed earlier last night, but then decided to stay up for one more hour. I was miraculously still awake when Jason called Kimmi. I was in Beaumont, instead of Phoenix. I don't know why God chose to bless me with this opportunity, but I'm glad He did. And I know that during this time in my life when nothing makes sense, and I feel all alone, that God is in control and He's never left my side.

So next time your life doesn't make sense and you feel trapped by your circumstances, remember to keep your eyes on the Cross, and to thank God for appointing you for such a time as this; look for divine appointments and rest in the arms of Christ.

Praise the Lord!

2006-09-29T13:27:00.000-07:00

Every once in awhile there are events that happen that bring me face to face with the power, bigness, and out of this world crazy wonderfulness of God. Let me share one of those moments with you.

On Tuesday nights I co-coordinate a team that organizes and executes a worship gathering for college students called SALT. It starts at 9:00pm and involves a worship band, a speaker, and various creative elements depending on the week. Each month we do a different theme that culminates in a special gathering at the end of the four week period. September's theme was Jesus. We spent the whole month talking about Jesus, and this past Tuesday night was the culmination of that. We planned to focus on our response to Jesus. Our speaker was a man who has the gift of evangelism and the whole goal of the night was to present the Gospel. We had been praying and asking others to pray with us the whole month for that night, that people's hearts would be open and that we would leave SALT that night with new brothers and sisters. As it got closer we prayed harder and by the time Tuesday came, we were definitely praying without ceasing.

Guess what happened? Satan fought us harder than he ever has before. We were under attack in a serious way. If you don't believe that we have an enemy who prowls around like a roaring lion waiting to see who he can devour (1 Peter 5:8) you are deceived. Because there is no other explanation for the way things went other than that Satan was fighting because he was afraid of what God was going to do that night.

This is what happened. Several people had had a bad day or were sick to begin with. Rehearsal got started late, and despite the fact that there was a shortened set list took longer than any other rehearsal this year. The band practiced right up until 8:45 non-stop...they didn't even get to eat dinner. The computer that we used to project words and images was acting like it was possessed. No joke, I wouldn't even be touching the computer and things on the screen would move. The program that we use was doing weird things that aren't just flukes but things that go against the code of how the program was written - Chorus 1 became chorus 2 and chorus 2 became chorus 1; the first chorus 1 didn't match the second chorus 1; the words were fine on my computer but when they projected on the screen they were 50x larger then they were supposed to be and didn't fit on the screen. This may not seem like a big deal to you, but trust me, it was a huge deal and very stressful, especially because this was all happening on the new song (and in some ways the most important song of the evening because it pretty much gave the Gospel message in song). The sound tech had to run and get some equipment and ended up running a bit late and missing most of rehersal (which meant that he couldn't work on making stuff sound right). We were setting up the church until 9:03 (remember we are supposed to start at 9:00). Laws of sound equipment (as set in stone as laws of gravity) were being broken - like things that physically as well as theoretically aren't supposed to happen were happening. It was weird and was causing quite a bit of tension on top of the general craziness of Tuesday nights.

Now comes the fun part - how good God is. When the speaker got there, we all went into the back room to pray together. He said "I don't know what's going on around here, but I can feel the Holy Spirit is in this place." We told him about how rehearsal had gone and he got a big smile on his face and said, "Good...that means Satan's running scared." You gotta love a guy that responsds like that. We then had the sweetest prayer time that I have ever been a part of in the four years of SALT I've done. It was so full of passion and it was very raw...we were all at the end of ourselves and knew that we could not fight alone. So as we asked God to fight with us and for us our hearts were calmed and we left that room ready for battle.

And battle it was. All night long Satan and his team was doing everything possible to keep people from coming to know Christ as Lord and Savior. And all night long I along with several others prayed against that. God won just as He always does. Worship was powerful and moving to the core. The message was funny, convicting, and real - there were no heart strings being pulled, except by the Holy Spirit. And at the end of the night there were somewhere around ten new believers, who were able to sing for the first time with meaning along with everyone else:

I once was lost, but now I'm found
I once was lost, but now I'm found
So far away, but I'm home now
I once was lost, but now I'm found
And now my lifesong sings

I once was blind, but now I see
I once was blind, but now I see
I don't know how, but when He touched me
I once was blind, but now I see

And now my lifesong sings
And now my lifesong sings
And now my lifesong sings

I once was dead, but now I live
I once was dead, but now I live

Now my life to You I give
Now my life to You I give
Now my life to You I give

Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Let my lifesong sing to You

And it was a beautiful and joyous occasion as we worshipped through song with our new brothers and sisters and the enemy ran away defeated. And as we ended the night with a song of celebration, I could barely contain the smile that was covering my face as the enormity of what God had just done set in.

To have the privilege of being a part of something like that is awe-inspiring and humbling. It isn't often that I cry, but God can do it every time. Jenny (the girl who I co-coordinate SALT with) and I had been praying for a friend's brother all day. They ended up sitting right in front of us and I just prayed my heart out for this kid. And God was faithful to answer the prayers of many and save Steve that night. And when the speaker asked for those who made a decision to raise their hands, and we saw Steve's hand go up, Jenny and I both started crying out of pure awe and thankfulness and recognition of how great our God is.

It's moments like that that make all of the battle worth it. It's moments like Steve's sister and her roommate busting into my apartment at midnight yelling and screaming and jumping because her brother got saved, and then us running to Jenny's apartment to scream and yell and jump together that make me do what I do. Its knowing that I'm always fighting on the winning side that gets me out of bed every morning to face another day.

So take heart. God cares. He is intimately involved. He knows when the battle is raging. He is waiting for the right moment to step in and win...all you have to do is claim the victory.

Thank you Jesus that You know and care. Thank You that You are always there. Thank You for saving Steve and the others. Thank You for being faithful. Thank You for being big and mighty. Thank You for saving me. Amen.

True Friendship

2006-09-20T15:22:00.000-07:00

"That's what true friendship does; it humbles you with it's love."

I said that to a friend awhile ago and it has resonated with me ever since. Think about that for a minute...true friendship humbles you with it's love. Examine your friendships. Do you have any friendships in which there is so much mutual affection and love that it humbles you? That it makes you feel so unworthy but utterly thankful to God for blessing you with that person? The better question is do you make anyone feel like that? Do you love any of your friends so purely, selflessly, and Christ-like that they feel overwhelmed and humbled by your love? If not...why? What is preventing you from loving like that? Is it laziness? Is it selfishness? Is it fear?

I know for me it is fear. It's fear that I am going to open myself up and put myself out there and then I am going to be rejected. Fear that I am going to put so much effort into something and practically kill myself investing in someone who is going to just suck the life out of me by taking, taking, and more taking without giving anything. Not that I'm in relationships for what people give me, but there comes a point when one can't give any more without having something put in. It's like a bank - there is only so much you can take out of your account without depositing anything before the account is overdrawn. My eyes have been opened lately to how people treat one another. I've watched interactions between my friends and other people and I'm blown away with how little respect and honor we treat one another with. We so often taken one another for granted, just expecting that it won't matter because the other person is always going to be there. I think we forget how short life can be and priceless each moment with a friend or loved one is. We forget that in John 13:35 Jesus said, "By this all men will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another." If I were to take an honest evaluation of my relationships and look at how my friend and I interact with one another...I don't know that outsiders looking in would always know that we are disciples of Jesus. If one were to ask us, we would have a lot of excuses...I was only kidding...I'm tired...I'm out of it...I have a lot on my mind...I'm busy...I'm stressed. I've said these kinds of things before myself. But honestly....it doesn't matter. There is never an excuse for not loving someone. There is never an excuse for being rude and selfish. There is never an excuse for treating anyone, especially those you love, as though they don't matter. We should never be too busy, too stressed, too tired, too whatever to show the love of Jesus in every interaction.We should take every opportunity to let those around us know how much we value them.

We do this in the little things. Initiating conversation. Being genuinely interested in what the other person is saying. Being more concerned about other's welfare than the bad day we've just had or the ten million things on our never-ending to do list. Calling just to say hi. Following up on the issues going on in other's lives. We must get outside of ourselves and see others as more important than ourselves. And we can't just spout the rhetoric...we have to follow through with actions.The challenge is this: examine your heart. See what it is that is keeping you from loving the people in your life in a way that humbles them. See what it is that is causing you to be lazy, selfish, or fearful and ask God to remove that from your life. Ask Him to change your heart so that you can love others as He has loved you. Make an intentional effort this week to humble someone with your love.
"By this all men will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another." John 13:35

Do you want to get well?

2006-09-07T19:06:00.000-07:00

"By the Sheep Gate in Jerusalem there is a pool, called Bethesda in Hebrew, which has five colonnades. Within these lay a multitude of the sick—blind, lame, and paralyzed [—waiting for the moving of the water, because an angel would go down into the pool from time to time and stir up the water. Then the first one who got in after the water was stirred up recovered from whatever ailment he had] . One man was there who had been sick for 38 years. When Jesus saw him lying there and knew he had already been there a long time, He said to him, 'Do you want to get well?' 'Sir,' the sick man answered, "I don't have a man to put me into the pool when the water is stirred up, but while I'm coming, someone goes down ahead of me.' 'Get up,' Jesus told him, 'pick up your bedroll and walk!' Instantly the man got well, picked up his bedroll, and started to walk." John 5:2-9a HCSV

I've been reading through the book of John in different versions over the last couple of months. Every time I read this passage, specifically the question "Do you wan to get well?" God pierces my heart. Obviously this story is referring to this man's physical state, but there is an enormous spiritual parallel here.

I've always thought this story was strange. "Do you want to get well?" We know the man has been lame for thirty-eight years and Jesus asks him if he wants to get well. What kind of question is that? Isn't he at the pool where people get healed for a reason? Hasn't he been lame for thirty-eight years? I almost want to scream "OF COURSE HE WANTS TO BE HEALED!" And then the man's response completely turns the story on its head. Instead of saying to Jesus, "Of course I want to be healed. What kind of question is that?" he gives a bunch of excuses as to why he is still lame. Funny isn't it? Jesus knows the heart of all men and this is why He asked the man that question. The man's answer reveals what Jesus saw in his heart that made Him ask the question to begin with. I'm not saying that the man's answer wasn't full of logical and valid reasons...but Jesus didn't ask him why he was lame; He asked him if he wanted to get well.

Jesus continually asks the same question of you and I today regarding our spiritual sickness. "Do you want to get well?" We always ask Jesus to help us conquer some particular fault or sin. We tell Him we want to stop failing and do better, and that we'll try harder. With certain things we fall into a cycle of sinning, repenting, trying, sinning, repenting, trying. And sometimes it comes to a point where Jesus says, "Do you want to get well? Do you really want to let me step in and kick this thing or not?" I know my answer is often a lot like the lame man's. "Jesus, I'm still struggling with this because...life isn't fair; I haven't had time; there is a vast conspiracy against me, etc." Jesus didn't ask me why I was still struggling; He asked me if I wanted to get well.

This was brought home to me once again just this week. I have a tendency to overdo myself. I tend to see the line of my physical limitations and then feel the need to push myself 100 yards past that line. I think I have some weird sub-conscious super hero complex or something. Anyway, this is not a good habit to be in, especially when one has complicating physical conditions like I do. I have been pushing myself way beyond my limits every day for about a month, and Tuesday everything came to a head and came crashing down. It was a bad day. Plainly and simply a bad day. But because I had been pushing myself so hard and not honoring the temple God has given me to use on earth, it made my bad day 10,000 times worse. And I lost it. It wasn't pretty. And now I am in a position where I am having to actually work at resting and it will take me a month or so to completely physically and mentally recover.

As I was reading this passage again today, God pierce my heart and asked me, "Do you want to get well?" Am I really willing to let go of trying to do everything and be everything and let God control my schedule and my time so that I can be in the optimal physical and mental condition? My first instinct was to make excuses as to why I wasn't doing what I know I need to do. And then I stopped and I really thought about that question. Do I want to get well? Yes. I do. I really do. So I here I go on this journey to let God change me so that I can do what honors Him with my body.

What is it He is questioning you about? Is it selfishness? Is it having a critical spirit? Is it taming your tongue? Do you want to get well? Or do you just want to make excuses as to why you keep failing? Determine today to let Christ heal you and definitively answer "Yes" to His gentle yet persistent question. "Do you want to get well?"

A Sticky Box

2006-09-07T18:22:00.000-07:00

A friend of mine got me a little wooden box from a foreign country. It's a cute little box hand-painted by a local artist and then lacquered. Because of the heat it experienced while traveling across the ocean, the lacquer on the lid and the box had heated and become stuck together. Now, being the inquisitive and curious person that I am, I was not content to leave this box stuck together. I pulled and strained and struggle, but I couldn't get it open. So I pulled out the scissors, chiseled my way in and used it as a lever to pop the top off of the box. I was rewarded with a nice look at the equally as beautiful inside of the box, as well as a very satisfying feeling of having achieved my goal. I firmly replaced the lid on the box and it was once again stuck. It didn't take the scissors to get it off this time, but it did take a considerable bit of effort. I repeated this exercise a few times until the lid easily came on and off the box.

As I was doing this, I thought, "I bet God feels like this with me some times." He wants me to open up so He can get inside and look around and fill me with His stuff. And some times, for whatever reason, I just won't open up. Whether it be the heat of my situation that has caused me to clam up, or the heat of my own bad attitude, I just won't open up. And sometimes He has to pull out the sharp stuff and poke me a bit and pry me open. When He finally does, we have a break through. And then I close up again...its a bit easier for Him to open me up, but still requires effort. Thankfully He is a persistent God and he keeps after me until I open up naturally and easily.

It's the same thing with me and other people. I have a hard time being open with others and letting them in at first. Each time it gets a bit easier until it is easy and natural to open up and let them in.

My encouragement to myself and others is this...don't make it so difficult for God and others to get in. Let's not let the heat of circumstances and internal conflict make us all sticky and hard to get into. Let's make an effort to make it a habit of opening up so that it comes naturally. Let's get to the point where we are transparent and open at all times. I'm pretty sure we'll come to find that what we find inside of not only ourselves, but others as well, will be well worth the effort.

Selfless Love

2006-06-29T16:26:00.000-07:00

"I can't wait to get married because then my wife will cook and clean for me."
"I can't wait to get married because then my husband will take care of my car for me."
"I can't wait to get married because then I'll never be lonely again."

All familiar refrains right? We hear statements like this all of the time, especially among young twenty-somethings. While these are all statements that accurately express how we feel, I'm pretty sure we have it all backwards. I think one of today's fundamental problems with relationships in general, and marriage specifically, is that too many enter into it with the mindset of all of the things the other person is going to give them, do for them, and be for them; I'm convinced that we would have much healthier marriages, and relationships in general, if we entered them thinking of what we can do, give, and be for the other person, instead of what we can receive. After all, aren't we supposed to love one another with Christ's love? Aren't we supposed to put others above ourselves? Aren't both of these loves selfless instead of selfish? We must start loving with a smart love and a selfless love, instead of a stupid and selfish love.

I challenge us to start loving with a smart and selfless love; to put others first not just in meaningless gestures and words, but in words and gestures that are backed up by genuine selflessness. "This is My commandment, that you love one another, just as I have loved you. " John 15:12

Gentlemen

2006-05-27T17:51:00.000-07:00

A guy friend of mine and I talk a lot about guys and girls, being a gentleman and things like that. He is a gentlemen to the core...no matter what girl he is with, he opens doors, steps off sidewalks, is respectful and honoring at all times, and is just all around a good guy. He is interested in this girl that isn't used to that...as most girls aren't. She balks when he opens the door for her, is surprised when he keeps his word, and other such things. So I thought I'd share my thoughts about this whole thing.

Most guys don't act like gentlemen. And because of the whole women's lib movement, society, etc., most of us have been conditioned to be treated like as well as act like guys in regards to things like opening doors and other such things...there is no longer a distinction. So when guys do act like gentlemen, it is confusing for most girls. They like it, and it feels right, but it isn't what they've been taught should happen, and it isn't normal; so it feels natural, but not normal, which can be quite confusing. Make sense? Even if girls have been taught to expect gentlemanly behavior, experience has probably taught them that realistically, they should only expect that kind of behavior in movies and fairy tales....it would never happen to them. It is also weird when one has honor and sticks to ones word. Most people in general don't, and will do whatever serves his/her self-interest or other such....passions...especially in a guy/girl type of interaction. The honor thing is refreshing and nice, but if a girl has been burned several times, it is going to take a long time to earn trust even if she knows a guy is honorable...she will do anything possible not to get burned again. And she's afraid to hope...because it has so often been killed.

Also, a lot of women are very controlling - it goes back to gender roles and the confusion that has occurred. Women don't really want to control men, but men no longer step up, so women have ended up taking point. When they don't have to, again, they like it and it feels natural, but it isn't normal, so its scary. There is so much confusion in gender roles that no one knows what to do anymore. Women expect what we shouldn't, and then when we are faced with what should be, it is so new and different that it can be intimidating.

So guys...be gentlemen...and be patient. Stick with it and girls will eventually get used to it once again. And girls...let guys be gentlemen. We all need to stop complaining about the way things are and help them get back to the way things should be.

Changing Winds

2006-05-18T11:29:00.000-07:00

There are times in life when circumstances cause one to step back and look at the bigger picture. Over the course of the last few months circumstances in my life and several conversations with a couple of friends have caused me to really think about our culture, my generation, and the state of the church.

We are a generation that has no idea who we are, what we want, where we are going, or how to get there. I've decided to name us the gap generation..or maybe the transition generation. I understand that I have a very limited perspective, especially historically, and that the course of time may prove me wrong; I also understand that I have a very basic understanding of these two movements. But I believe that our generation is the gap generation and in the middle of the pendulum swing between modernity and post-modernity. Our parents generation was engulfed in modernity and post-modernity was just starting to have influence. Our children's generation will be almost completely post-modern with just a hint of modernity. But here we are in the middle...disillusioned with modernity yet not quite wholly on board with post-modernity.

We are split between those who believe in absolute truth, those who believe there is absolute truth but that we can't know it, and those who don't really buy into absolute truth at all. We no longer hold reason and logic up as the most important things in life...we don't worship the scientific method and we don't believe that knowledge is going to save us. However, we aren't fully convinced that feelings are the only way to go either. While we would like to trust our gut and go with what feels right, there is enough modernity ingrained in our way of thinking that we want some fact or truth to back up our feelings. We want and need both fact and feeling to make our decisions and determine our paths.

This transition or gap that we are in has affected not only our generation as a whole, but the church specifically. For example, I took a class called History of Christianity in America. During this class, we talked about a spirituality of dwelling versus a spirituality of seeking. During the 1950s, the overwhelming tone was a spirituality of dwelling. The church building was the focus. Alright, let me give you a VERY brief history lesson of the church building. During the Old Testament, God actually dwelled in the tabernacle. And that is why the building itself was holy and sacred...because that is where God actually lived. That is where He was. During the early church, there was no emphasis on the building, but on the people. It was the body of believers that was the church, and that is where the emphasis was, because the Spirit of God no longer dwelled in a building, but in every individual believer. Fast forward to sometime after the reign of Constantine (when Christianity became the official religion of the land-making it the Holy Roman Empire-and the persecution stopped). After it was OK to be a Christian, church buildings were built, then cathedrals, and then somewhere along the way, the building once again became sacred and a place to be revered...it was once again "God's house." This persisted pretty much without variation until within the late 1960s or so, when the focus was once again moved from the building to the people. Now we are back to our generation being the gap and torn in two. There is still a healthy appreciation for the church building and treating it as holy and the place where God dwells. However, the emphasis is starting to move to the people...we as the body of Christ are the church. We no longer treat the sanctuary like we once used to. We're OK with wearing our ball caps, bringing in a bottle of water (or some Starbucks), and throwing and breaking a few plates in the sanctuary to make a point. While we would never think of having a kegger or dog show in the sanctuary, we don't treat the building with the same reverence and respect that our parents and grandparents do...and we probably treat it with more respect than our kids will. I don't think this is necessarily a bad thing...just different. And another example of the state of limbo in which we live every day.

There are several more examples...in fact, entire books have been written on the topic. I'm not here to do an exhaustive breakdown. I just wanted to make a few observations and to encourage those who are ministers to be aware of the shift that is taking place. Pray and seek God about where you fit in this great time in history. And don't condemn the movement that is foreign to you. Realize that God can and does work through both the modern and the post-modern mindset...and don't lock yourself so thoroughly into one camp that you can't appreciate the strengths of the other. Remember that our emphasis is on God, not on the label.

Blessed Be The Name of the Lord

2006-05-17T23:47:00.000-07:00

He said, "Naked I came from my mother's womb, And naked I shall return there. The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away. Blessed be the name of the LORD." Job 1:21 (emphasis mine)

This Lord has used this verse to relentlessly pursue me for the last three years. Actually, the song that is based on that verse is what He has used to pursue me. Written by Matt Redman, "Blessed Be Your Name" is one of the most joyful, convicting, comforting, soul-searching songs I’ve ever heard. I love it. No matter what mood I am in, or what my external circumstances are, the words resonate with my soul. Here they are in their entirety...my story continues below.

"Blessed Be Your Name"

by Matt Redman

Blessed Be Your Name
In the land that is plentiful
Where Your streams of abundance flow
Blessed be Your name

Blessed Be Your name
When I'm found in the desert place
Though I walk through the wilderness
Blessed Be Your name

Every blessing You pour out
I'll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say

Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name

Blessed be Your name
When the sun's shining down on me
When the world's 'all as it should be
Blessed be Your name

Blessed be Your name
On the road marked with suffering
Though there's pain in the offering
Blessed be Your name

Every blessing You pour out
I'll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say

Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name

Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name

You give and take away
You give and take away
My heart will choose to say
Lord, blessed be Your name

As I look back, this has been a semester of change...of God giving and taking away in every area of my life. A friendship that I thought I would have for the rest of my life and would never be shaken has blown up and for all practical purposes ended until further notice. At the same time, God gave me a friendship that has not only blown my mind away, but is more healthy, stable, and mutually beneficial than the friendship that was lost ever was. Some of the adult mentors in my life moved away and were removed from having day-to-day influence in my life, but God graciously provided new ones to encourage me, pray for me, and give me advice. Some desires were fulfilled, some were taken away, and some were put to sleep for a more appropriate time. I’m not the same person I was four months ago…I’d like to think I’m a better version, but I’m sure there are days when that assessment would be challenged : ). These are just a few examples of the thousands of little ways that God has provided for me and been faithful through the good and the bad, the crashing waves and the calm seas.

The semester is over which means that classes and SALT and all that comes with the two most time consuming things in my life are over for awhile; people are leaving (some are returning in the fall, some aren’t), and things are changing. Change is hard…and more than a little scary sometimes. I’m not always a big fan. My roommates are moving out, some of my best friends are graduating and moving on, and its time to adjust to what will become the new normal…these are not so fun things. I will have more time to think, reflect, and do fun things over the next four months than I have over the last nine combined…these are better things. I will be able to set aside longer periods of time to spend with my Dad, get to know His heart better, and let Him change mine…these are the best things.

And now we come back to the song and the verse that inspired it. Blessed Be the Name of the Lord. Period. End of sentence. It doesn’t say, Blessed Be the Name of the Lord when everything is good…or I understand and agree with everything happening…or when I feel all warm and fuzzy inside. It says Blessed Be the Name of the Lord. Period. The end. No matter what my circumstances are is the implied meaning. And that is what God has been pursuing me with. He has been asking me, “Is this really true of your attitude and heart Nicole?” and when the answer is no, He has broken me and remolded me until I could truly say yes.

Blessed be Your name
When the sun's shining down on me
When the world's 'all as it should be'
Blessed be Your name

Blessed be Your name
On the road marked with suffering
Though there's pain in the offering
Blessed be Your name

And I can say that this is truly the cry and attitude of my heart. Not that I have mastered it and am always on the ball…because I never will be. In fact, just yesterday morning, God had to have a little attitude check with me about this and remind me what I had momentarily forgotten. But I’ve come to the point where in pretty much every circumstance (after the initial freak-out period of course :) ) I can truly say

You give and take away
You give and take away
My heart will choose to say
Lord, blessed be Your name

Choosing is vital to this whole process. I will choose to say, Lord, blessed be Your name. And eventually, the choice gets a little easier, feels a little more natural, and beings to resonate not only in my head, but in the very core of my being.

So, "If it is disagreeable in your sight to serve the Lord, choose for yourselves today whom you will serve: whether the gods which your fathers served which were beyond the River, or the gods of the Amorites in whose land you are living; but as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord." Joshua 24:15

And remember that after you choose to serve the Lord, I encourage you to choose to say, “Lord, blessed be Your name.”

Lessons in Little Things

2006-05-17T23:45:00.001-07:00

I read all of the time for school, and I highlight key points depending on the subject of the paper I have to write on it. I don't like to switch colors in the middle of a book. Actually, my intent was to use one color for each class all semester. Orange for Colonial/Revolutionary, and green for Middle Eastern. Well, green quickly died and I couldn't find another one, so I had to switch to yellow. It was traumatic, but I made it. Then orange and yellow started to die, so I bought new ones. Like a chapter into my new orange one it starts to fade. Major crisis here. I can't buy a new highlighter for every chapter. Needless to say, this was important enough to me to put effort and thought into making this highlighter work.

I had been highlighting fast, so I slowed down a bit, applied consistent and steady pressure and it was fine. The highlighter crisis had been averted. Now, I bet you're wondering where the twist is (besides the fact that I've lost my mind). Here it is. God spoke to me through the high lighter. He said, "Nicole, you are like a highlighter. When you try to rush through things and are not steady and consistent, you are like a dried out highlighter...a mere glimpse of your potential. But, when you are steady, consistent, and don't buck against the pressure you are under, you are like a brand new highlighter...full and rich in color." Now every time I am highlighting (which is often) I am reminded of this. Be steadfast. Be consistent. Trust the hand of the Master. And you'll be as beautiful as a brand new highlighter.

"Therefore, my beloved brethren, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work 'of the Lord, knowing that your toil is not in vain in the Lord.'" 1 Corinthians 15:58

Radical Obedience

2006-05-17T23:45:00.000-07:00

I was reading in Isaiah 20 and God told Isaiah to walk around naked for three years to symbolize the coming destruction He was about to unleash on Egypt and Cush. Whoa! What a radical suggestion...and Isaiah did exactly as he was asked. Now, I don't know about you, but I don't think I could walk around naked for three nano-seconds much less three years. I was reminded of two things from this passage. One was that I serve a RADICAL God who doesn't mind being a bit unconventional. He will do anything and everything to convey His message. The second thing I was reminded of was that I need to be obedient even when I think God has lost His mind. I know He never will lose His mind and that He will never ask me to do something that is wrong...so why do I ignore Him? Because I am a stupid sheep a lot of the time...but God loves me anyway. I need to be willing to do anything, no matter how radical it seems to be obedient to my Heavenly Father.

I spoke at my roommate's youth group for her last Sunday, as part of a True Love Waits series they are going through on Sunday nights. After speaking to the whole group for about twenty minutes I hung out with the high school girls and tried my best to answer the questions they hurled at me. One of the things I told them was that I believed that God would tell me who my husband was going to be before I started dating him. They wanted to know how I knew God was speaking to me. One girl asked something to the effect of, "Do you have to be really close to God to hear from Him?" I told them that they didn't need to be Martin Luther or Billy Graham, but that they needed to be consistently seeking God, reading His word, and letting God cleanse them from and deal with the sin in their lives. I told them that if they were purposefully living in such a way that they knew was displeasing to God that it was probably going to be pretty hard to hear Him, because sin separates us from God. They looked crushed...like they really wanted to hear from God, but they weren't quite ready to give up living the way they wanted to. It made me very sad for them...and think about those things in my life that I view as more precious than God. My pride, my schedule, my....whatever. We must come to the point where really do value obeying God and living in His presence more than we do anything else...and not just in word, but in deed.

My encouragement to you as much as to myself today is to be radical in your obedience to and pursuit of our amazing God. We serve a radical God who had a radical Son that took radical steps to save us from eternal punishment. Doesn't He deserve our radical obedience to His loving ways?

Never Stop Loving

2006-05-17T23:43:00.000-07:00

Why is it that we put so much stock in what other people think of us? Yes, God created us to need one another, to love one another, and be loved by one another. And yes, loving involves caring about what the other person thinks. Yet, when love is reciprocated, what he/she thinks isn't a concern, because you know he/she loves you. And if it is a Christ-like and Christ-based love, (which hopefully it is) then you can have the confidence that even when things are rough, that other person still loves you and that you still matter to him/her. And I think that that knowledge is at times even sweeter than the simple fact that the other person loves you.

I have this friend that I met my freshman year in college. At the time, she was the best friend I ever had. We were nothing alike and had no business being friends, except that God put us together. I felt safer, more accepted, more loved, and better understood in our friendship than I had in any other previous friendship. We helped each other through some tough times, and went through some crazy things together. We had our rough patches (as any friendship that is honoring of God and bringing glory to Him will--the enemy doesn't like relationships that work like they should), but through them all there was a mutual understanding that she and I loved each other and that was never going to change. We spurred one another on towards righteousness, we were constantly pointing each other towards Christ, and we were always sharing with one another what He was teaching us.

Then over the course of time things changed. The single road that we had walked together over the last two years (and sometimes carried one another on) began to split and turn into two. She made some choices that weren't the wisest and began to be very defensive about everything. No longer could we share our hearts with one another, for they were no longer both beating for Christ as they once had. Yet I continued to pursue our friendship, to encourage her, and to try to love her like Christ does. However, when two roads diverge, be it ever so slightly at first, at some point they will have diverged to the point where they are headed in completely different directions, and a major detour on one or the other road would have to occur for them to cross once more.

Sadly, her road has diverged from all of our mutual friends and she refuses at this point to come back and meet us. While we do our best to bridge the gap, our devotion to the Master of the roads compels us to continue to follow His road. He is wise and loving and knows what is best. And as He can see the entire road and not just this length of the journey, He may see a point down the road when she accepts His hand of forgiveness and grace, and our roads will once again merge.

Until that time, I am left here brokenhearted over my loss. But even more brokenhearted for my friend who has no idea that the road she is on leads to destruction...or if she does, she simply doesn't care. Brokenhearted for who she once was and who she could be again. And brokenhearted that who she is now won't let me reach out to her. So here I am mourning for what was, broken for what is, and hoping for what will be.

Hoping? Yes. Despite the pain, the tears, the sleepless nights, and the broken relationships, I am still hoping. Praying that one day she will wake up and let God back onto the throne of her life. That she will realize that all I want to do is love her and that all He wants to do is heal her. Praying that she will jump from the road to destruction to the road to redemption once more, and that we will once again have sweet fellowship as we follow the Master along His way. Even if she never speaks to me again, I will take 1 Samuel 12:23 to be my verse, when it says "As for me, I will certainly not sin against the LORD by ending my prayers for you. And I will continue to teach you what is good and right." I will continue to love her, continue to pray for her, and continue to hope that God in His grace will once again pull her from the miry pit and set her feet firmly on a rock.

Never stop praying my friends. For anyone. No one is beyond help, and no one is beyond the reach of the One who stretched out His arms and died. My friend will be wooed by Him once more. Whether I get to be a part of that or a part of her life after that happens is secondary to her being once again on His road, following His ways. Never forget that the salvation and restoration of another is more important that your personal comfort and desires. 2 Samuel 14:14 says, "All of us must die eventually. Our lives are like water spilled out on the ground, which cannot be gathered up again. That is why God tries to bring us back when we have been separated from him. He does not sweep away the lives of those he cares about – and neither should you!" We must continue to spill out our lives for others, that they would be saved and restored. So keep hoping. Keep praying. Never stop loving.

Worship Him

2006-05-17T23:40:00.000-07:00

In the God's Word translation of the Bible, Psalm 45:11 says, "The king longs for your beauty. He is your Lord. Worship Him." Three simple sentences...one huge meaning.

"The king longs for your beauty" How amazing is this?!? One of every woman's deepest desires (if not the deepest desire) is to be called beautiful, especially by her father or the one she loves. And one of every persons (male or female) deepest desire is to be intimately known and longed for. This verse tells us that Jesus, the King of Kings and Lord of Lords longs for our beauty...I don't think I can ever fully grasp this and how amazing it is. The One who created beauty, the One who defines beauty, the One who embodies everything that is beautiful....longs for my beauty. And yours. Wow......let that sink in for a minute and let Him wash over you with His love and desire for you.

"He is your Lord" Is He really? That is the question I constantly ask myself whenever I come across something that mentions the fact that Jesus is Lord or something like that. Is He really my Lord? Do I really allow Him to sit on the throne of my heart, or am I still trying to run things? Or even if He did start out on the throne in the morning, does He still occupy the throne this very minute, or did I kick Him off sometime throughout the day by choosing to take things into my own hands and choosing my desires over His will? I find myself on the throne more often than I'd like, but God is always gracious is leading me to repentance and retaking His rightful seat on the throne of my heart. Who is on your throne this very minute?

"Worship Him" What is worship? Singing praise songs? Singing hymns? Dancing? Preaching? Teaching? Praying? There are so many controversies in the church in America surrounding worship and what it is supposed to look like. I'll tell you exactly what it is supposed to look like: a Christian living a life of obedience that is completely and utterly surrendered to the King. That is worship. Worship is a way of life, not a part of life...it is life. Everything we do should be done to bring God glory. The way we conduct ourselves, the way we speak, the way we interact with others should all bring glory to God. Every word that comes out of our mouths should be a word that will build someone up and bring glory to God. (Eph 4:29) Worship is bringing glory to God. Worship is sacrificing our carnal desires to obey His desires for our lives. Worship is dying to self. Worship is obedience and to obey is better than sacrifice. (1 Sam 15:22) So how do we worship Him? By living life the way He intended us too...fully and wholly devoted and obedient to Him. That is what worship is.

“The king longs for your beauty. He is your Lord. Worship Him.” Psalm 45:11

When God Fights For Us

2006-05-17T23:30:00.000-07:00

In 2 Chronicles 32 Judah is under siege. The king of Assyria, Sennacherib has all of the fortified cities in Judah under siege. Hezekiah is king at this time and he is trying to encourage his people. In verses 7-8 he says, "'Be strong and courageous! Don't be afraid or discouraged before the king of Assyria or before all the multitude with him, for there are more with us than with him. He has only human strength, but we have the LORD our God to help us and to fight our battles.' So the people relied on the words of King Hezekiah of Judah." (emphasis mine)

Sennacherib gets wind of this and tries to discourage the Israelites. In verses 10-15 he basically says, "Why are you letting Hezekiah trick you? Haven't you heard about all of the other people I and my father's have conquered? Don't you realize that none of their gods saved them and yours won't either?" Not very nice right? No.

Now read what verses 20-22 say. "King Hezekiah and the prophet Isaiah son of Amoz prayed about this and cried out to heaven, and the LORD sent an angel who annihilated every brave warrior, leader, and commander in the camp of the king of Assyria. So the king of Assyria returned with shame to his land. He went to the temple of his god, and there some of his own children cut him down with the sword. So the LORD saved Hezekiah and the inhabitants of Jerusalem from the power of King Sennacherib of Assyria and from the power of all others. He gave them rest on every side." How cool is that? Sennacherib thought that he was going to win because the gods of the other lands that he had fought against hadn't saved their people. Little did he know that those gods were made by human hands and that he was now facing YAHWEH the ALMIGHTY AND ONLY GOD OF THE UNIVERSE. Poor guy...he didn't know what was coming! And then Hezekiah and Isaiah, two righteous men who trusted God, pleaded with Him to save them and did you see what God did? He didn't just save them. He ANNIHILATED the enemy and gave His people rest on every side. How amazing is that? God takes such good care of His people!

So the main point that I'm trying to make here is that when you are discouraged and up against something big, don't be afraid! You can have the Lord Your God on your side and He will fight your battle for you if only you'll let Him. And, don't be surprised when He goes above and beyond your expectations...He is the God of the amazing and spectacular, as well as the quiet and humble. You never know how God is going to answer your prayers...so don't put Him in a box. And don't forget to pray! Nothing is too small or too big for God. He cares and He responds to the prayers of His people. See what He did when Hezekiah and Isaiah prayed? He annihilated the enemy. James 5:16b says, "The intense prayer of the righteous is very powerful." Remember that next time you feel like you are getting nowhere. Persevere...pray...trust.

Intercessory Prayer

2006-05-17T23:22:00.000-07:00

“Your part in intercessory prayer is not to enter into the agony of intercession, but to utilize the common-sense circumstances God puts you in, and the common-sense people He puts you amongst by His providence, to bring them before God’s throne and give the Spirit in you a chance to intercede for them. In this way God is going to sweep the whole world with His saints.” ~ Oswald Chambers

A couple of months ago, I had the opportunity to "practice the agony of intercession" in my "common-sense circumstances". SALT ministries has two main parts to it, the Tuesday night worship service and small groups. For the last 15 years we have had a man who has been in charge of these as far as making decision and coordination goes. He left in May to take a position at a church in Oklahoma. That meant that students either had to step up and run things or let the ministry die, because he wasn't going to be replaced. So six of us who had been involved with the ministry over the last few years and had been significantly impacted by it stepped up to keep small groups going. We call ourselves the Bodybuilders because one of our main jobs is to build up the rest of our small group leaders so that they can in turn build up the guys and girls in their small groups. Our theme verses for the year are Ephesians 4:4-6 which says, "There is one body and one Spirit, just as also you were called in one hope of your calling; one Lord, one faith, one baptism, one God and Father of all who is over all and through all and in all." So, we try and do our best to build the body, or at least our little part of it.

I love being a Bodybuilder and the other five people I work with are absolutely amazing. One thing about being in the Bodybuilders though, is that there is not really anyone who is pouring into you because well....you are the pourers. Besides coordinating and making decisions for all of the small groups on campus, we also lead small groups, are full time students, work, and various other things that the college life involves. So we pour into one another. We do things like "Bless ___________" week, where five of us get together and decide to bless the sixth member without them knowing. We each take a day and write them a note of encouragement or appreciation, we do dinner for them, and other things to make them feel special.

Today we got together and just shared our struggles and prayed for one another for an hour or so. It was great. One of the guys was sick and couldn't make it, so we started off praying for him to get better. Then we just went around and were vulnerable with one another, which I must say is very hard for those in leadership to do. It is a necessary element of leadership--to be humble and open in front of others and God--but it is hard at the same time, because you want people to think you have everything together, because you are leader and you think you should have it all together. One of those crazy pride things. Anyway, we were able to do that in the safety of a small group of people that we love, are comfortable with, and trust. We shared what was going on and what we were struggling with, and then someone prayed for that person immediately. And until we can meet again we will know how we can be specifically be lifting one another up, so that we can continue to do as Oswald Chambers says and, “Launch out in reckless belief that the Redemption is complete, and then bother no more about yourself; but begin to do as Jesus Christ said-pray for the friend who comes to you at midnight, pray for the saints, pray for all men. Pray on the realization that you are only perfect in Christ Jesus…” There is so much freedom and joy found in doing as James says in James 5:16. He says, “Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, so that you may be healed. The intense prayer of the righteous is very powerful.”

So I encourage you to take a group of your closest friends and set aside some specific and intentional time to be vulnerable with one another and pray for one another. I know that schedules are crazy, but you know, I kind of like something Martin Luther had to say about this. He said something to the effect of, "I have so much to do today that I must set aside more time to pray." Wow! So much to do that I must pray more. That's that right attitude there. So take time to pray...it will do a body good.

A Desperate Longing

2006-05-17T23:00:00.000-07:00

I took a class called Spiritual Formation, and in it we read a part of a book by this monk from the twelfth century. It was a Song of Solomon type of description of our relationship with God. He talked about a bride and a bridegroom and how on the wedding day the whole goal is to get everyone else out so that the two can be alone with one another. And how even a moment that the lover has to spend away from her beloved is torture. He went into a bit more detail and used some more colorful and descriptive language, but that was the gist of it. Then he said that that was the kind of relationship we needed to have with God not on a physical level, but on a spiritual level.

That got me thinking about the fact that it is very rare to find someone with that kind of passion for God. Rarely are we in a place where our greatest desire is to get away from everyone else so that we can be alone with God. Psalm 42:1-2 talks about longing for God and thirsting for Him...that signifies a desperation that we don't have individually or as a body. The Psalmist asks "When? When can I meet with God?" That's desperate...we don't ask when we can be with someone we just kind of like...we ask "When?" when we really want to be with someone, because we are madly in love with them. That got me thinking about being obedient. I think we find it so hard to be obedient to God and we struggle with perpetual sin because we don't really love Him like we should. He says that His commands are not burdensome and that if we love Him, we will obey His commands. I think His commands are burdensome, because we don't really love Him. On a human level, we will do anything our beloved asks of us. We can't wait to do things to express our love to them, to serve them, to submit to them, to be led by them, and to please them. And this is all because we really love them. But for some reason, even though we are consistently and passionately pursued and wooed by our true Prince...we can't love Him in the way we can those on earth. We can't bring ourselves to the point where He is all consuming and His commands are not burdensome. And that makes me very sad for myself, for the church, and especially for my generation as more and more of us fall through the cracks and into the world.