Do you want to get well?

"By the Sheep Gate in Jerusalem there is a pool, called Bethesda in Hebrew, which has five colonnades. Within these lay a multitude of the sick—blind, lame, and paralyzed [—waiting for the moving of the water, because an angel would go down into the pool from time to time and stir up the water. Then the first one who got in after the water was stirred up recovered from whatever ailment he had] . One man was there who had been sick for 38 years. When Jesus saw him lying there and knew he had already been there a long time, He said to him, 'Do you want to get well?' 'Sir,' the sick man answered, "I don't have a man to put me into the pool when the water is stirred up, but while I'm coming, someone goes down ahead of me.' 'Get up,' Jesus told him, 'pick up your bedroll and walk!' Instantly the man got well, picked up his bedroll, and started to walk." John 5:2-9a HCSV

I've been reading through the book of John in different versions over the last couple of months. Every time I read this passage, specifically the question "Do you wan to get well?" God pierces my heart. Obviously this story is referring to this man's physical state, but there is an enormous spiritual parallel here.

I've always thought this story was strange. "Do you want to get well?" We know the man has been lame for thirty-eight years and Jesus asks him if he wants to get well. What kind of question is that? Isn't he at the pool where people get healed for a reason? Hasn't he been lame for thirty-eight years? I almost want to scream "OF COURSE HE WANTS TO BE HEALED!" And then the man's response completely turns the story on its head. Instead of saying to Jesus, "Of course I want to be healed. What kind of question is that?" he gives a bunch of excuses as to why he is still lame. Funny isn't it? Jesus knows the heart of all men and this is why He asked the man that question. The man's answer reveals what Jesus saw in his heart that made Him ask the question to begin with. I'm not saying that the man's answer wasn't full of logical and valid reasons...but Jesus didn't ask him why he was lame; He asked him if he wanted to get well.

Jesus continually asks the same question of you and I today regarding our spiritual sickness. "Do you want to get well?" We always ask Jesus to help us conquer some particular fault or sin. We tell Him we want to stop failing and do better, and that we'll try harder. With certain things we fall into a cycle of sinning, repenting, trying, sinning, repenting, trying. And sometimes it comes to a point where Jesus says, "Do you want to get well? Do you really want to let me step in and kick this thing or not?" I know my answer is often a lot like the lame man's. "Jesus, I'm still struggling with this because...life isn't fair; I haven't had time; there is a vast conspiracy against me, etc." Jesus didn't ask me why I was still struggling; He asked me if I wanted to get well.

This was brought home to me once again just this week. I have a tendency to overdo myself. I tend to see the line of my physical limitations and then feel the need to push myself 100 yards past that line. I think I have some weird sub-conscious super hero complex or something. Anyway, this is not a good habit to be in, especially when one has complicating physical conditions like I do. I have been pushing myself way beyond my limits every day for about a month, and Tuesday everything came to a head and came crashing down. It was a bad day. Plainly and simply a bad day. But because I had been pushing myself so hard and not honoring the temple God has given me to use on earth, it made my bad day 10,000 times worse. And I lost it. It wasn't pretty. And now I am in a position where I am having to actually work at resting and it will take me a month or so to completely physically and mentally recover.

As I was reading this passage again today, God pierce my heart and asked me, "Do you want to get well?" Am I really willing to let go of trying to do everything and be everything and let God control my schedule and my time so that I can be in the optimal physical and mental condition? My first instinct was to make excuses as to why I wasn't doing what I know I need to do. And then I stopped and I really thought about that question. Do I want to get well? Yes. I do. I really do. So I here I go on this journey to let God change me so that I can do what honors Him with my body.

What is it He is questioning you about? Is it selfishness? Is it having a critical spirit? Is it taming your tongue? Do you want to get well? Or do you just want to make excuses as to why you keep failing? Determine today to let Christ heal you and definitively answer "Yes" to His gentle yet persistent question. "Do you want to get well?"