For Such A Time As This

"And who knows whether you have not attained royalty for such a time as this?" Esther 4:14

Maybe we could change that to say, "And who knows whether you have not been struck ill for such a time as this?"

I have been stuck in my mom's apartment for almost a month now, sick with one thing or another, or a combination of things. I have been out of the apartment for a grand total of probably about two days since the moment I landed. I won't be home for another two weeks at least, and I've been poked and prodded by more people than I'd like to think of. People in these kinds of situations often ask "Why?" Why me? Why now? Why here?

I've done this whole "I'm sick with something mysterious and am missing school for weeks on end while I hang out with the dog all day" thing many times before. I'm used to it. I generally don't play the why game.

But I have to admit - this time has been much harder than all of the previous times. A lot of things have changed since high school in my life and the life of my family that makes this one a bit different than all the others. It's been hard to keep a positive attitude; its been hard to see the point of doing basic things like my quiet time, showering, or going to bed and waking up at decent and regular hours. Don't think that I'm totally depressed and despondent, because I'm not; its just been a struggle though to keep my eyes on the Cross and not get trapped in the mire of self-pity.

Last night however, or actually early this morning, something happened that readjusted my focus and made me remember that it doesn't matter why me, and it doesn't matter why now - all that matters is that we trust that God has everything under control and that his plans are more important than our plans or preferences.

A friend of mine named Jason enlisted in the Marine Corps not too long ago. He just got out of boot camp and was on leave here in Beaumont for ten days. Originally, I was supposed to be back in Phoenix by the time he got here, and I wasn't going to get to see him. Then all of this sickness happened, so I was here. Even though he's been here for ten days, I've been so sick that I haven't been able to see him. Last night was his last night of leave as this morning he flew back to Camp Pendleton for infantry school. We had all gone to bed and were almost asleep when I heard my sister's phone go off about 11:45. It was Jason. They talked for a little bit and then decided to go get Taco Bell. She came into the bedroom to get dressed, and I asked her to bring him home so I could see him.

They got back about 12:15 and the three of us sat in the living room while they ate Taco Bell and just hung out. I was able to talk to Jason and get a feel for how he's doing. I was able to talk to him about what the next few steps are in his career and how he feels about them. He'll be in infantry training for two months, and then there is a 99% chance he'll be immediately shipped off to Iraq without even a little bit of leave - infantry is in quite large demand right now! He was worried about making it through infantry school and making everyone proud. He was also worried about going to Iraq and being shot at or blown up - he's already started having nightmares about it. I was able to just listen to him and then pray for him and over him. He left about 1:00 and we went to bed.

So what's the point Nicole? The point is that because I've been so sick and stuck here, I was able to see a good friend before he goes to war. I was able to encourage a brother in Christ who has always struggled with his faith, but who is really trying to get things straightened out right now. I was able to love on him and let him know that I would be covering him in prayer from the moment he left until the moment I knew he was safely back on US soil from fighting for others freedom. He came in discouraged and scared, and he told me after I prayed for him that he wasn't scared anymore - than he knew everything was going to be OK. He was the embodiment of this quote - "Hope...it's not the certainty that everything will turn out well, but the absolute conviction that something is worth doing regardless of how it turns out." - Vaclav Havel

This had nothing to do with me, but everything to do with divine appointment and God being amazing. We almost went to bed earlier last night, but then decided to stay up for one more hour. I was miraculously still awake when Jason called Kimmi. I was in Beaumont, instead of Phoenix. I don't know why God chose to bless me with this opportunity, but I'm glad He did. And I know that during this time in my life when nothing makes sense, and I feel all alone, that God is in control and He's never left my side.

So next time your life doesn't make sense and you feel trapped by your circumstances, remember to keep your eyes on the Cross, and to thank God for appointing you for such a time as this; look for divine appointments and rest in the arms of Christ.