Reflections from the People

This past week a very dear friend of mine and her family said goodbye to the church they've attended for three decades. That sentence alone stuns me. Thirty some odd years. For her parents, its been their church home since college; for her and her sister, their entire lives. Its the only church they've ever known. They were born into that congregation, made professions of faith there, were baptized there, were married there, and dedicated their children there. Three generations. Three decades. Over.

Maybe its because I have history with this church, maybe its because the thought of being in one place for my entire life blows my mind, or maybe its because I'm coming out of a season of goodbyes in my own life, but this coming of their last Sunday at this church has weighed heavily on me

I thought this would be a good time to take a moment and reflect on the role this body of believers has played in my life. It was an instrumental part in my life while I was in college, which was a critical season. If my life were a house, it was during this time that the framing was built. I think it's safe to say I went to college with a solid foundation. I have been a Christian for the majority of my life, and had been discipled well while in high school. Leaving the safety of my family and the place I grew up allowed me to test that foundation and build upon it. Most of that framing was done during college.

The first time I went to a function of this church, I knew I was home. I don't know if its the same for other people, but for me there was something different about choosing a church independently of my family. For those of us who grow up in the church, this is the first time we not only have to make this decision on our own, but make the decision of whether or not we're going to keep attending church or not. The prospect of doing this had been somewhat intimidating to me, though looking back, pretty much everything about going away to school and being on my own for the first time was intimidating. One of the many things God used to calm my heart was immediately give me a home with this body of believers. Within an hour there was no doubt in my mind. It gave me a sense of confidence with which to start this new phase of life.

At this church, I sat under a pastor who was beyond words. He wasn't perfect, as no one is, but he is pretty great. He came to see me before I had surgery not three weeks after he had been called to the church. He didn't know a thing about me and didn't owe me a thing. In fact, we had never even met before, but he was there to pray with me and sit with my grandma and my friend and her family as they waited on me. He instantly cared for and invested in the lives of those who had been entrusted to his leadership. He spoke the word with ferocious clarity, never watering down the message, but neither wielding the Word as a sledgehammer. He just spoke truth and let the Spirit move. He made changes simply because it was the right thing to do and those changes allowed the church to be better stewards of its resources. He led the church through one of the most difficult circumstances a church can face, and he did it with grace and courage. I learned so much about so many things from this man, and was forever changed by his leadership and influence.

It wasn't just the pastor who made me feel at home. Obviously going there with my friend who had grown up there gave me an instant "in," but that didn't stop others from reaching out. There was an older couple who always made the point to tell me hello and ask how I was. It was obvious this was something they had done for years with new college students as he always remembered me and others by where we were from. I probably haven't spoken more than an hour or two total in my life with the man, but I'll never forget him or his kindness. There was another couple there who took me into their lives. It was to their house I escaped when pressures at school got intense, and their voices I still hear in my head when I need to recall a particular word of wisdom, or remind myself to "be gentle" with myself. Those who know me know that's something I need to hear often.

It's important to look back from time to time to remember where we've come and appreciate where we're going. I encourage you to reflect on the role various groups you may have belonged to have shaped your life. Take a moment to thank someone involved in that group for the influence they've had in your life, and then look for ways you can similarly influence the life of someone else.

Jacked Up Love

These thoughts have been rolling around my head and my heart for a few months now. I’m not sure I’ve completely formulated them all, so bear with me as I try to articulate them.

We as a culture have done a total hatchet job on love. There are several reasons for this, almost all of which can be summed up by saying that we live in a fallen world. I don’t want to just chalk it up to that though, because there is nothing we can do to fix that. We will live in a fallen world until Christ returns. While shalom in every aspect of life won’t be restored until then, I believe there are some things we can do to reclaim as much as we can of what love for one another was intended to be like. We can do that by looking at some of the causes and resulting symptoms of our general lack of understanding love.

One way we’ve jacked up love is by removing it from community. Love was intended to be experienced in community. Jesus said in John 13:34-35 “I give you a new commandment: love one another. Just as I have loved you, you must also love one another. By this all people will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.” (HCSB) The “they” referred to cannot see and know that love outside of the context of a community. By making it a strictly me-and-you kind of thing, we lose valuable perspective and support that being in community can add to the richness of love.

This lack of community is probably one of the reasons love has become a very selfish and self-centered thing. Love experienced without community is all about me and what I can get out of it. This selfish aspect of love can also lead to the one who is loved becoming the center of the lover’s universe. Selfish love has to exist in a very narrow mindset, and a very small world; being removed from community creates the perfect environment for selfish love to develop and thrive in. Love should affect not just lover and the loved, but those around them as well. It is such a powerful force that it should bleed into, onto and over everything. It cannot do this outside of community.

Another way we’ve messed up love is by attaching such a heavy sexual connotation to it. It seems as though we can’t have an all encompassing, soul level, love in the truest sense of the word with anyone except a romantic connection without it being creepy or supposedly having some secret sexual desire attached to it. Part of it is that the English language has one word to describe a vast array of feelings. The Greeks have four words for love. According to Wikipedia,

• Eros is passionate love, with sensual desire and longing. The Modern Greek word "erotas" means "(romantic) love". However, eros does not have to be sexual in nature. Eros can be interpreted as a love for someone whom you love more than the philia love of friendship.
  
• Philia…means friendship in modern Greek, a dispassionate virtuous love, [which] was a concept developed by Aristotle.
  
• Agapē means "love" in modern day Greek, such as in the term s'agapo, which means "I love you". In Ancient Greek it often refers to a general affection rather than the attraction suggested by "eros"
  
• Storge means "affection" in modern Greek; it is natural affection, like that felt by parents for offspring.
  

Having distinctions like this in English might help clear up this love/sex connotation a bit. But even then, love would still be perverted. I don’t know if it’s because America has a Puritan heritage that was so strict about signs of affection, that we’re now suffering from some sort of strange backlash, or if it’s because the church has abdicated its role in defining and acting out what love should look like so society/human nature just took its course, or if there is some other reason I haven’t thought of. I just know that there seems to be this line and anything past it between anyone except a romantic couple is immediately tagged as creepy with a strong sexual undertone. Anything involving a physical characteristic of someone is immediately marked as sensual, whether it is or not. Any kind of love that goes beyond the surface – that really digs in its heels and gets to work – is tagged as suspicious. As a result, this is one of the reasons so few of us know how to not only lovely deeply and completely, but to be deeply and completely loved.

This is so pervasive that we think like this without even realizing it. It’s a natural, knee-jerk reaction. But the nature it is rooted in is the old nature; it’s part of the old man that needs to daily be put to death. Check yourself – do you unconsciously view things this way? Does fear of being perceived this way prevent you from loving fully?

Expressing the agapē kind of love is often very difficult. I think agapē is meant to be all encompassing – not just what a person does for us, or what we do for them, but everything about them: their essence; their physical characteristics; how they look; how they smell; how good it feels to have some sort of physical connection with them like a hug; their likes and dislikes; their strengths and weaknesses; their thoughts and feelings; their quirks and flaws; their unique interactions with you and their general interactions with everyone; and on and on. We’ve become so uncomfortable with expressing this kind of love, largely because of the assumed sensual, erotic, eros kind of love attached, that the vast majority of us wouldn’t know how to receive it if by chance it was given. We seem to be ok with the philia and eros kinds of love, but have completely failed when it comes to the agapē kind of love we’re supposed to have.

I believe the agapē we’re missing out on encompasses so many things. Things like…
…buying your friend a mother’s day gift because you know no one else in her life will
…opening your home to friends who have no where else to go
…writing a letter to a friend to let them know how much they mean to you – even though you can’t find the right words, and the ghosts from your past taunt you that doing so will ruin everything
…holding a friend who had a tough day because there is healing power in simple human connection
…staying up way too late and driving for an hour to surprise a friend by being there for a huge event in his/her life
…sitting up into the wee hours of the morning holding a friend while he/she cries about the sorrows of life
…taking everyone out for ice cream at Denny’s at midnight because someone accepted Christ as Lord and Savior
…keeping an eye out for little things you can pick up along the way that will brighten someone’s day
…bringing a friend caffeine and chocolate and locking them in a room until they talk about what’s eating them up inside
…knowing when to make someone open up and when to just silently be with them
…putting yourself in harm’s way to help a friend get out of a dangerous situation
…checking on the family of a dead friend and remembering special days with them – because their pain is more important than yours
…telling someone a hard truth, especially if he/she doesn’t want to listen
…persevering in prayer for over thirty years for the salvation of a loved one
…walking through the junk of life with someone, not giving up, and not letting them give up until they reach a clearing in the road
…driving fourteen hours round trip to be with someone dropping a spouse off at rehab

It isn’t just things you do for the other person though. Truly living an agapē kind of love means allowing yourself to be loved that way as well. My youth minister once told me that I needed to learn to let myself be loved. I don’t know that any other statement has continually pierced me like that one has. It’s something I struggle with every day. It involves things like…
…graciously being on the receiving end of the above list
…admitting that going to see a friend in jail scares the snot out of you and asking your friends to lift you up in prayer
…being honest with people you’re in relationship with that you sometimes still deal with ghosts from your past, and asking them to help you banish them
…letting someone get close enough to help you banish your ghosts
…confessing you’ve been trapped in a perpetual sin for years and can’t get out on your own
…letting someone get close enough to see your mess and help you out of it
…giving someone permission to call you on your crap
…apologizing for doing something wrong, then living in the grace and forgiveness given – without beating yourself up for it again and again (something I struggle with daily)
…trusting that someone else has your back in all aspects of life…and actually letting them have it
…calling for help when you’re in over your head

I could go on forever, but I think we’ve covered enough ground. I believe that I’ve just scratched the tip of the proverbial iceberg. The ramifications of this affect every area of life. This is a huge issue that no one wants to touch, but desperately needs addressed. What can we do to address these causes and their symptoms? A few things. First, we can increase the value of community in our lives by bringing relationships back into community and letting love bleed over, onto, and into everything we do and are. Second, we can break down misconceptions and cut up the hidden connotations of love by a) not participating in them and perpetuating them ourselves, and b) loving boldly and without fear regardless of what others think. Lastly, we can be vulnerable enough to allow others to boldly love us without fear, regardless of what others think.

These thoughts ran around my head for a long time, now I’d like them to run around yours. What’re your thoughts? How does this play out in your life and community? What are other causes and solutions?

Intercessory Prayer

“Your part in intercessory prayer is not to enter into the agony of intercession, but to utilize the common-sense circumstances God puts you in, and the common-sense people He puts you amongst by His providence, to bring them before God’s throne and give the Spirit in you a chance to intercede for them. In this way God is going to sweep the whole world with His saints.” ~ Oswald Chambers

A couple of months ago, I had the opportunity to "practice the agony of intercession" in my "common-sense circumstances". SALT ministries has two main parts to it, the Tuesday night worship service and small groups. For the last 15 years we have had a man who has been in charge of these as far as making decision and coordination goes. He left in May to take a position at a church in Oklahoma. That meant that students either had to step up and run things or let the ministry die, because he wasn't going to be replaced. So six of us who had been involved with the ministry over the last few years and had been significantly impacted by it stepped up to keep small groups going. We call ourselves the Bodybuilders because one of our main jobs is to build up the rest of our small group leaders so that they can in turn build up the guys and girls in their small groups. Our theme verses for the year are Ephesians 4:4-6 which says, "There is one body and one Spirit, just as also you were called in one hope of your calling; one Lord, one faith, one baptism, one God and Father of all who is over all and through all and in all." So, we try and do our best to build the body, or at least our little part of it.

I love being a Bodybuilder and the other five people I work with are absolutely amazing. One thing about being in the Bodybuilders though, is that there is not really anyone who is pouring into you because well....you are the pourers. Besides coordinating and making decisions for all of the small groups on campus, we also lead small groups, are full time students, work, and various other things that the college life involves. So we pour into one another. We do things like "Bless ___________" week, where five of us get together and decide to bless the sixth member without them knowing. We each take a day and write them a note of encouragement or appreciation, we do dinner for them, and other things to make them feel special.

Today we got together and just shared our struggles and prayed for one another for an hour or so. It was great. One of the guys was sick and couldn't make it, so we started off praying for him to get better. Then we just went around and were vulnerable with one another, which I must say is very hard for those in leadership to do. It is a necessary element of leadership--to be humble and open in front of others and God--but it is hard at the same time, because you want people to think you have everything together, because you are leader and you think you should have it all together. One of those crazy pride things. Anyway, we were able to do that in the safety of a small group of people that we love, are comfortable with, and trust. We shared what was going on and what we were struggling with, and then someone prayed for that person immediately. And until we can meet again we will know how we can be specifically be lifting one another up, so that we can continue to do as Oswald Chambers says and, “Launch out in reckless belief that the Redemption is complete, and then bother no more about yourself; but begin to do as Jesus Christ said-pray for the friend who comes to you at midnight, pray for the saints, pray for all men. Pray on the realization that you are only perfect in Christ Jesus…” There is so much freedom and joy found in doing as James says in James 5:16. He says, “Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, so that you may be healed. The intense prayer of the righteous is very powerful.”

So I encourage you to take a group of your closest friends and set aside some specific and intentional time to be vulnerable with one another and pray for one another. I know that schedules are crazy, but you know, I kind of like something Martin Luther had to say about this. He said something to the effect of, "I have so much to do today that I must set aside more time to pray." Wow! So much to do that I must pray more. That's that right attitude there. So take time to pray...it will do a body good.